"Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep" (Romans 12:15)
---you've got to be around for both---
It is difficult to hear excitement from people whom neither my husband or I told we were pregnant and have not shared in our sorrow. One woman expressed her excitement to host a baby shower. She did not know about Lydia and I was unaware she knew I was pregnant. I am no where near a place to begin thinking about baby showers. (Can we do that after this little one safely arrives?) Then there are people with whom we have planned to share our news, only to find out they have already been told. It makes me angry and annoyed. More so when it is someone who is unaware of our loss or was not supportive with the loss of our child. Too much joy and excitement from others is too much for me. My husband said it was not fair to tell people and ask them to keep it a secret. So I did not tell anyone not to share our news, I just assumed (never smart) that others would understand it is OUR news. The emotions are really compounded with the loss of Lydia.
The two most prevalent reactions I have heard are as follows:
Isn't it too soon? I've been asked if it is safe for me to be pregnant, is my body ready, is it alright with my OB, isn't it too early emotionally/physically, will being pregnant so soon increase my risk of loss...
You are neither my OB nor my husband, do not tell me when is the right time to be pregnant.
I'm so excited! I am so happy for you, this is wonderful, this will make everything better. No. I will never have my daughter I lost. I want her and this baby. This little one is her/his own person. She/he is not a replacement. Being pregnant has not ended my grief.
Then there are both reactions from the same person: "Oh, I am so excited! Are you sure it's ok? This will be so great, things will be great! Did you doctor say it was okay for you to be pregnant so soon?"
Ah, dealing with people.
I dislike reading extremely long blogs, so to be kind to me readers I am ending this blog now and will continue with my pregnancy story on the next blog post.