Lydia Grace

Lydia Grace
Our first child, Lydia Grace

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Baby Showers and Mother's Day

Yesterday was the date of my baby shower that has been postponed. This is the second baby shower planned for me and my baby that has not come to pass. Lydia went to heaven before her baby shower on earth and this time the shower was cancelled/postponed due to the events of last weekend. We had to make a decision on whether or not we should have the shower and based on how I was feeling at the hospital, a shower was not something I felt I was ready to enjoy. 

I will admit I threw a little pity party on Friday. 
I complained to my husband tirelessly about how it was not fair that this was my second missed baby shower, how I will never get to enjoy a baby shower, and how I had many expectations of how my baby shower would be. He got to the point that he said he would plan and throw a baby shower for me himself if that is what needed to happen. I tried to gain some perspective on the issue. A shower of sorts is still in the works for after Isaiah's arrival. Yet it sounded so fun to have it in anticipation of his arrival, so I feel a little cheated of this traditional part of pregnancy that many women take for granted. 

This is the second Mother's Day in a row that I am pregnant. I should have a baby to proudly take with me to visit my mother today. I'm praying next Mother's Day will look differently. 
It's funny how Mother's Day is about our mothers, but when you've lost a baby all you can think about is the baby you lost on Mother's Day: your role as a mother to a little one in heaven.
My husband and others have been very thoughtful in wishing me a Happy Mother's Day. Maybe since I am at home with my husband and pups, this holiday does not seem as sorrowful. We did not go to church or see family, I think that helped to not face all of that (as if I have much choice at the moment).
First Mother's Day with Isaiah 
Today I celebrate being a mother to one baby in heaven and another very close to entering the world.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Contractions, Contractions, go away!

   It was a crazy weekend! Thursday night I had contractions too strong and too regular to be Braxton Hicks. My husband wanted to know if he should take me to the hospital. I was indecisive and fearful that going to the hospital would be admitting something was wrong. It brought up so much anxiety after the experience with Lydia.
  The contractions stopped after midnight Thursday and I fell asleep. Friday I had a few more contractions, though not as regularly as the previous night. Since it was a Friday I thought it best to check in with my OB before the weekend. I called and left a message for her medical staff. My call was returned and I was told to come that afternoon for another non-stress test.
  In less than an hour I had five or six contractions (not good at 32 weeks, 3 days). My OB was out of town for a conference which sparked another panic in me.  (She was also not available initially when I was in the hospital with Lydia, coming later that day when available). Her nurse practitioner examined me, determining I was already dilated 2 cm. She spoke with my OBon the phone and sent me immediately to the hospital.
   I was quickly roomed and an IV was started. Then we had to wait. And wait. And wait for the on-call OB to visit and consult with my Dr. before beginning any treatment. I was lying in bed, still having contractions, panicking because no one could do anything until a doctor called the orders. Fortunately, they were keeping constant monitor of Baby Isaiah's heartbeat (and my contractions), so we knew he was doing alright. After much longer than expected, the on-call OB, who I really liked, came and gave me the protocol for treatment, directed by my Dr.
   An IV of magnesium sulfate was started and I was on that for 48 hours. It felt like fire was being inserted into my veins when the bolus dose started. The intensity abated, but I remained warm and felt yucky the whole time I received the mag. Also with magnesium you absolutely cannot leave the bed and it requires hourly checks, around the clock, by the nurse to monitor  lungs, temperature, reflexes, etc. My contractions stopped, then started again, eventually stopping entirely. I was also given two steroid injections to prepare baby's lungs for delivery in case we had to deliver early.
   I stayed relatively composed and not too anxious until after the crisis. It was one of those things where you can hold it together for so long while you address the problem and then you panic/become anxious/scared/tearful. Early Sunday morning I woke during yet another check from a nurse. She left and I was lying there awake, still on the magnesium. I could hear Isaiah's heartbeat. At my request I asked for the sound to be constantly loud enough for me to hear. It provided comfort. My husband and my families had gone home the previous night. He was sleeping soundly beside me. Then I started worrying. More than I had been up until that point.
   It was Sunday, the first of May. Just nine months previously, on Sunday, the first of August Lydia had been stillborn. I cried and prayed, missed my first baby while being thankful for my second. Then my mind starts to catastrophize and I wonder if we will loose Isaiah too. Here we are, same hospital, same day of the week, same date of the month with problems in was an emotional morning.
   I was taken off the magnesium Sunday evening and did not start having contractions. Monday morning my OB examined me and discharged me from the hospital. We had been there since Friday, so it was very nice to be going home. I am on bed rest now and on meds that are used to treat high blood pressure. It is a smooth muscle relaxant --it relaxes the muscles in the uterus to keep them from contracting. It also lowers my already low blood pressure. Which is one of the reasons why I'm only allowed to shower every other day, sitting down, with assistance, among other activity restrictions.

I know so many have been praying for me and Isaiah. God is the giver of life and is the One to be thanked for my health, Isaiah's health, the contractions stopping, etc. I am thankful God has given us family who care so much, a good physician and nurses, the medical knowledge and discoveries we have to help with pregnancies and pre-term labor.

Here I am on bedrest. 33 weeks 2 days pregnant with our second. Praying he stays in there until at least 36 weeks. I know things can change at any minute, but I am resting easily now.