Lydia Grace

Lydia Grace
Our first child, Lydia Grace

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

and there are days

The nice thing about a blog is being able to write selective stories. I can write about hope and faith and times of comfort and never speak of the dark days and nights. But then I am not being honest with myself or others. 

The dark days and nights when the words of Job resonate with me. 
"Oh that I might have my request, and that God would fulfill my hope, 
that it would please God to crush me, 
that he would let loose his hand and cut me off!" (Job 6: 8-9)

Days when getting out of bed is a challenge. Nights when sleep won't come and I whisper her name, wishing she would be sleeping in the next room or being held in my arms. Times when the mundane tasks of life feel pointless, meaningless, not worth completing. 

Questions of where God is in this pain. Questions of why, no reason bringing the remotest sense of satisfaction. Times of staring at my closed Bible, not knowing how to open it. Feeling unable to seek out any comfort or strength from my faith. 

Feelings of isolation, loneliness, sadness. Feelings of anger, resentment, emptiness. 

Times of tears and groans. Times I feel these emotions cannot be released merely by tears, surely I could explode from all I feel. Days and nights of shadow and darkness. 

1 comment:

  1. Powerful, healing anger. Raging, crippling pain. Sadness that doesnt have words strong enough to describe...and you do describe it. I pray for you desperately on these days particularly.

    I love you...and Drew too.