Baby Clothes

   During the weekend visit before Christmas to my in-laws, I went through the clothes, blankets, toys, and crib bedding my mother-in-law and sister-in-law had bought for Lydia. I know some mothers return most or all of the items bought for their child after his/her stillbirth; some repaint the nursery immediately; some let other children use the items. I can understand if some moms find their baby's things too painful to keep. For me, I have kept everything. 

   I enjoy looking at her things, even though it is often accompanied with pain. Each item was specifically picked with her in mind. They are her things and I could not dream of departing with them by returning them to a store or giving them away. I would let another of my children use them, we would have done that anyways. But not a stranger. Not when everything related to her is sacred to me. 

   Yes, I feel sad looking at these cute outfits, knowing I will never dress her in any of them. I think about what she might have been wearing today--how different our lives would be!