Tuesday was one of those days when the impact of the loss slams you in the chest, full force. The recall of a song that reminds me of my daughter brought on the tears. Then the weight of pain and grief felt especially heavy. I sobbed. I felt as though the pressure of all this pain in my heart would make it explode into pieces, never to be mended.
I drove to the memorial park where Lydia is buried. Again, angry that I would have to be visiting there at all. Lying on the ground by her grave, I ached with the emptiness I feel with her absence. So much hurt and pain. So many questions. I could not, perhaps would not, find any solace in prayer or the hope of seeing her again in heaven. Right then the weight of the loss was too great to see beyond it. Some days are like that. Thankfully, other days I am able to find some peace or joy.
I miss my baby girl so much.