Lydia

Little Lydia, 

 I have been thinking about you often recently. Your little brother is growing and changing so quickly. I wonder what you would have been like at these various stages. Is your smile like his? I imagine you are full of smiles in heaven.
I wish I could breath in your scent the way I breath in his. I wish I could kiss your cheeks, your neck, your head, again. I wish I could hold you, rock you to sleep, sing to you. I treasure all these times with Isaiah, aching at the fact I never will experience it with you.
With your little brother here, I haven't been able to attend a M.E.N.D meeting where I can talk with other mommies who have precious babies in heaven, too. It feels kind of lonely, not having others who understand the hurt. Isaiah brings so much joy, but part of my heart will always be broken, missing. You brought us such joy, too, little daughter, so much love and joy that your parting is incredibly painful and unrelenting. 

I miss you. Oh, how I miss you, sweet child! I wish I could have saved you. I would have done anything.

Do you see the whole picture from heaven? A greater picture than just the pain we feel and see on earth?
Do you dance with joy in heaven on streets of gold?  Do you know your mommy loves you so much?

I do, Lydia. I miss you and love you. I think about you and sometimes get so angry you aren't here with your daddy, brother and me. I anxiously await meeting you again in heaven.

Until then, my daughter, you are in my heart always,

Mommy

Happy Birthday, 

Lydia!