Baby boy arriving soon!

Any day now my fourth baby (is that possible?) will be born. No reason for an induction so I am waiting for labor to naturally begin. Another boy will be home from the hospital with us in the next 2 weeks. I will then have 3 children 3 and under to mother. Whew! I feel ready at times and overwhelmed at the prospect at other times.

Today I have been solving important problems such as which of my children is batman. My 3 1/2 year old son and 21 month old daughter are arguing which is batman. "I'm batman!"
"No! I'm batman!" "No, I'm batman!" "Batman's not a girl. There's only one batman. I'm batman!" Okay, I guess I didn't really solve that problem, but it's been the topic of debate this morning.

I've been on a cleaning and cooking frenzy. My freezer is as full as I can pack it with homemade meals for after baby is born. Every night I make sure the kitchen is spotless, the house picked up, and the table cleaned. I vacuum every day. Our house has never been maintained at this level of clean for this long a period of time. It's been nice.

12 days to my due date, but ready any time!

Lydia's Legacy

   Many months of silence have passed, but I wanted to share this information for readers or anyone who may stumble across this seldom updated blog.

   My husband and I have started a support group for couples who have lost a baby through miscarriage, stillbirth, or early infant loss. A year or so ago, we began discussing starting and leading such a group. At the time we were living in a big city knowing we would be leaving at a determined time (thankfully!), so our plans were to prayerfully start the group in the town where my husband secured his employment.
   Here we are in a wonderful place in Texas; my husband enjoying his work, I am thankful to stay home with our son (now potty trained--woohoo!) and daughter. We have a supportive church family who immediately offered their help when we shared at our small group our calling from God to begin a support group for couples who have lost babies.
  Sunday was our first meeting. We meet the first Sunday of each month in the afternoon at the location where we have our church service. (anyone out in Tom Green County who is interested...let me know.)

   When I reflect back on the past 3 and a half years, I can only point to God who has brought us to this place. Whatever the "reason" for Lydia's death, He has made it for His glory. From my first visit to a support group in Dallas until now, I didn't think I would be leading such a group. Attending, yes, but not initiating a new group. And to be doing a ministry alongside my husband is even more a blessing.

3rd Birthday

Happy Birthday, Lydia!

Love,
Mommy, Daddy,
Isaiah, and Maggie

Our third baby

This picture was taken a few months ago and emailed to family to announce my pregnancy with our third child. Wow, three babies! How blessed are we!
I am now going on 18 weeks of pregnancy, everything going smoothly. I am much less anxious this time around, though fear does grip me at times. I am much bigger now than in the above photo--additional 8 pounds will do that.

Friends make a difference

Yesterday one of the women in my MOPS small group invited a group of us into her home for a morning of talking, eating, and letting the kids play. Her warm hospitality, the fellowship with other stay at home moms, and Isaiah's enjoyment playing was such a blessing to me! We have visited both sets of in-laws, but this was the first time I have been welcomed in someone else's home here. The morning was enjoyable and as I drove away, for the first time since we have moved here I felt confident I will make it here. Good things can happen. Invite someone into your home. You might not know how the simple kindness may be a huge blessing to them.

Publications!

I was pleased to see our daughter's birthday tribute in the MEND newsletter last month, page 4.

The piece I submitted for publication was printed in this month's newsletter on page 19.

Odds & Ends

I attended the Houston chapter M.E.N.D. meeting on Thursday evening. I was nervous going, but when the meeting began I felt refreshed. I was able to exhale the emotional breath I had been holding. I’ve said it before, but I have never felt the instant connection with another the way I feel when in a group of women who have also lost babies. On the tense drive to the meeting (Houston traffic and interstates are rough) I thought it interesting I am living down here where I was medically informed my daughter was dead. Have I shared that before? I hadn’t felt Lydia move and knew something was wrong. I knew on Friday when I had waited all day to feel movement, but hadn’t. I couldn’t sleep that night. I read about stillbirth in one of the pregnancy books I had. I knew she was gone; I did not want my fears confirmed. My husband and I drove from north Texas down to Houston the following day. I was attentive to any possible movement in my womb the entire drive. Nothing. When we arrived at my sister-in-law’s house, she and others convinced me to stop at the hospital to make sure all was fine. The next hours were terrible. As I lay in the triage room, monitors were placed across my rounded belly. No heartbeat heard. A sonographer was called. No movement. No heartbeat. I couldn’t look at my husband. The OB-GYN on weekend call came. “As you know, it’s dead,” was his announcement. “You’re young, you can have more kids,” the sonographer offered. In the moment, I could say nothing. Now, I would love to go back and give them both a piece of my mind. My stomach still turns in a knot when I pass the hospital I heard the worst news of my life. Another thing I have thought recently. My daughter was as much in this world as you or I. Yes, it was in my womb while she was living, but she was still present here. And her body did not magically flit from my womb to heaven. She did not disappear when her heart no longer beat. I was in labor for 16 hours and vaginally delivered her. Some of her pictures are posted here. It is important for others to understand she was very much on this earth. She is as real as your living child. I want others to understand, but then again, I don’t want others to understand the loss. No one can understand unless they have also walked the road. I submitted an article to be published in the M.E.N.D. bimonthly newsletter. I am excited! My husband is doing an outreach at a university about stillbirth and miscarriage. Those are two recent ways God is using our daughter’s life and death as a ministry to others. Two years ago I could not have said or believed it. By God’s grace, comfort, and healing we have journeyed to this place.